Chapter 5: Autophobia

It was the first day of Ein's community college class, and that meant something very grand. A fresh start. Perhaps now he could end his days of being considered a weirdo, and become a normal student for once.

His clothes were nice, but not too nice. He got his haircut in the morning, because it was getting a bit longer than the average length of boys. (He'd looked up the statistics on the web).

He took a seat next to a nerdy-looking kid with thick glasses and wild red hair (but not the cool kind of wild; not the mohawk or spiky kind of wild, just uncombed). This way, sitting next to the weird kid, Ein would seem that much more normal.

Things were actually coming along quite nice so far. For once.

Then Mrs. Kyoto entered the room.

Princess's mother.

This couldn't be happening. Perhaps she was taking some sort of adult class nearby and she'd accidentally stumbled into the wrong room. Or maybe it wasn't Mrs. Kyoto at all. Maybe she was just someone who looked exactly like her, with the exact same haircut, with the same blemish on her arm, who happened to wear exactly the same outfit that the real Mrs. Kyoto wore on Princess's seventeenth birthday.

"Hello class. My name is Mrs. Kyoto and I'll be your professor for this quarter." She wrote her name onto the chalkboard.

Ein felt his face puffing up. No. No! He didn't want to be gerbil cheeks. Not here.

"Welcome to Psychology 101."

What was Ein worried about anyway? She couldn't know that he was responsible for Princess's revolution.

"Here we're going to learn about all the wonders of the human mind. But first, as I'd like this to be a comfortable atmosphere for all of us, perhaps we should all introduce ourselves. Let's go around the room."

The students spoke, but Ein couldn't hear anything. All he heard was his own heartbeat. The bitter taste of dread on his tongue grew stronger and stronger as the students counted down. Three. Two.

"Hello, uh…my name is…." Ein felt his eyes crossing.

"Class, this is Einstein. He is a very good friend of my daughter, and, I assure you, a very good human being."

See there? Mrs. Kyoto just saved him from making a fool of himself. Ein didn't know how he could have suspected her of foul play in the first place. She was a very nice woman.

"Now who do we have next?" Mrs. Kyoto said.

The nerdy boy next to Ein stood up. "The name is Chucky and I'm allergic to strawberries, tomatoes, cheese, beef, horseradish, kiwis, and seaweed, and I'm an expert on all that is science fiction and paranormal phenomena, if anyone's interested, I started a Tron Club here at the college, at every meeting, we watch Tron once, talk about it for about fifteen minutes, then watch it again, so far I don't have any other club members, but I'm quite hopeful for the future, thank you very much, I--"

"Very good, Mr. Chucky," Mrs. Kyoto said.

Chucky sat down again.

Ein could almost cry out of happiness.

Almost for sure, the class had already forgot about Ein's little stuttering fiasco.

Thank goodness for geeks.

***

Sunflower walked with Princess into the haunted house. It was time to get cleaning again.

She almost tripped when she saw the state the main chamber was in. It was absolutely spotless.

Old Hobo Joe walked in from another room, covered with dust and dirt and grime. He had a mop in one hand and a broom in the other.

"Old Hobo Joe, have you been working here all night?" Sunflower asked.

Old Hobo Joe nodded, then saluted, mop and all.

"You didn't have to do that."

He just stared at her.

"But thank you. We…we really appreciate this."

"Yeah." Princess nodded vigorously. "Really. A lot."

Sunflower looked around. "Where's Vincent? He never came back to the castle last night."

Old Hobo Joe walked into the mirror room.

The two girls followed.

There he was, sleeping in the center of all the funny mirrors, cuddled next to Ratty.

Princess smiled. "See? I'm not the only one who likes that rat."

Vincent opened his eyes into slits, and mumbled, "Is that you, daddy? Have you come to apologize?"

"It's just us, Vincent." Sunflower sat down beside him. "You do know you're sleeping next to a rat, don't you?"

"Indeed I do." He petted the rat and sat up. "She kept me warm all night, like a giant teddy bear."

Princess looked at Sunflower expectantly.

"Well." Sunflower shook her head. "I guess if you and Vincent like the thing, we won't get rid of it."

"Yay!" Princess hopped around.

"I've been working on our budget layout," Sunflower said. "Since we don't have much more cleaning to do, we might as well start buying our supplies. I found a place where we can get used stoves and refrigerators and stuff like that. There isn't much money left after all that and the food, so we're going to need paper plates, plastic silverware, fold out tables and chairs. It'll be difficult, but I think we can do it."

Princess nodded. "Let's go."

Vincent stood, ready to leave.

Old Hobo Joe handed a paper to Vincent.

"Let's see here." Vincent studied the paper. "You've done quite well, soldier. Thank you for the report."

Old Hobo Joe saluted and walked out.

Sunflower couldn't help but envy the two of them. They had a strong bond, as strange as it was. It was sad almost, because Sunflower knew she would never have a strong bond like that ever again. Her life would be numbers from now on. She had to remember that.

She had to.

***

Chucky took another deep breath, then--"Then I said to him, no way aliens would ever take over the planet because that'd mess up their experiments and the number one rule of experiments is try not to affect the outcome, and then he said to me, but what if the aliens are only experimenting on us so they can eventually take us over, and I said, if they're capable of building spacecrafts that can transport them lightyears to us, then they obviously have the technology to take us over if that's their intent, and then he said--" Another deep breath.

But luckily Mrs. Kyoto entered the room (the stretching break was over), and Ein leaned over and said, "We'll talk later."

Chucky closed his mouth, swallowing the packet of air he'd built up.

And the both of them faced the front of the room.

"Now then, everyone," Mrs. Kyoto said. "I thought it would be fun for our first day if we went over some information that I think we would all enjoy. Phobias."

Ein felt his spine tingling, but he assured himself there was nothing going on.

"As I'm sure you all know," Mrs. Kyoto continued. "Phobias are fears of some specific thing or situation. They can be irrational fears, or excessive fears. Many times phobias are caused by some traumatic event in your past that has lodged itself to your subconscious mind, and can be triggered when you're faced with a certain object or situation. Does everyone understand?"

There were numerous yesses and nods.

"Good. Now why don't we go over some phobias, for the fun of it. I'll just open my phobia book to random pages." She opened her book and read out loud. " Dentophobia is the fear of dentists." She flipped to another page. "Homichlophobia is the fear of fog." Another page. "Zemmiphobia is the fear of rats."

Ein brought his hands to his face, but not in time to suppress the girlish scream that escaped his lungs.

Everyone looked at him and laughed.

Mrs. Kyoto looked at him, puzzled. "Einstein, are you okay?"

"Oh, yes," he said. "Fine. I just had something stuck in my throat. So…so I tried to…scream it out." He shook his head while the students laughed. That was one of his worst ones yet.

"I see." Mrs. Kyoto brought her eyes down to the book again. "Then let's continue. Autophobia is the fear of being alone."

***

"Sunflower, is that what we're looking for?" Vincent pointed. They'd been exploring the town's garage sales for hours, and this was the first big white rectangle thingy they'd come across. He forgot what it was called.

"Yes, that's an old fridge. Exactly what we need." She straightened her coat. "I'll go barter with the seller."

Vincent looked around, and couldn't believe the useless knickknacks and doodads people were willing to pay for.

"Hey, look at this!" Princess held up a stuffed cat.

Vincent snickered. "What kind of hunter would go after a beast so small?"

"It's just a toy," Princess said. "Not real. Don't tell me you didn't even have a stuffed animal growing up."

He shook his head.

"Well then, it's about time you have one." She got some change out of her pocket.

"No, you don't have to do that. Really."

"I insist." She dragged him over to the little old man who was selling all the junk.

Sunflower was still talking to him. "If there's nothing wrong with it, why is it so cheap?"

The old man tightened up his face and accentuated his wrinkled. "I told ya, I just don't want it in my house no more."

Sunflower crossed her arms. "I'm not buying it unless you tell me."

The little man sighed. "Fine, you want the truth? That fridge over yonder has developed quite an attitude over the years. I didn't mind it at first, but now I got myself a new wife, and she's all the attitude I can handle right now."

"I heard that, George," said a little old woman, poking her head through a window.

The old man waved her away. "See what I mean? Anyway, there ain't nothing wrong with the fridge. He still keeps things cold, you just gotta keep your wits about you when you're dealing with him. So do you want the fridge, or don't ya?"

Sunflower studied his wrinkled old face for a while, then nodded. "Here's the five dollars."

He took the money, with a tip of his hat.

Princess stepped forward, and gave him the change. "For the stuffed cat."

Without warning, an adolescent boy grabbed the money can off the old man's table and made a break for it.

"Get him, my minions!" Vincent commanded, but then realized Old Hobo Joe was back at the castle, taking a nap.

Princess ran after him. The boy knocked over a lamp in his path, and an instant later, Princess tripped on it, smashing against the lawn.

Vincent dashed over to help her up. And he couldn't believe it. Her nose was actually bleeding. He'd never seen real blood up close like this before. He felt a little woozy.

The boy made it to the sidewalk, when a Ninja, dressed in all black, his face and everything else covered, leapt out from a behind a bush and grabbed him. The boy kicked and squirmed, but the Ninja didn't budge. He grabbed the money can away from the boy, and forced a little pamphlet into the boy's hand. Vincent could just barely make out the title. It said, "How Not to be a Thief in Modern Day America."

The Ninja let go of the boy, and the boy ran away. Then the Ninja gave the money can to the old man.

The old man tipped his hat. "Thank you kindly, Mr. Ninja. I've heard a lot about you, and I thank the stars every day that we got a person such as yourself in our town today."

The Ninja ran back behind the bush at an impossible speed, and vanished.

"Who was that?" Princess asked.

The old man chuckled. "The Ninja, of course. Don't tell me you haven't heard of him."

Princess, Vincent, and Sunflower shook their heads.

"He's been the talk of the town for the past few days."

Sunflower said, "We've been occupied with other things lately. Who is this Ninja?"

The old man scratched his beard. "No one knows his true identity, but he's been a busy bee, I'll tell ya what. Going around, doing good deeds and all that. He seems to be a new breed of hero. By that I mean he's got compassionation for the evil-doers. He never captures 'em, never beats 'em up. Just stops 'em from doing bad things, then hands out little booklets and things like that."

"George, the toilet's broke again!" cried the old woman, her head poked out the window.

"I gotta go, youngins. Enjoy that fridge if ya can. But don't say I didn't warn ya."

***

Ein's stomach roared. "So what's for dinner, Grandma? I'm starving."

She hopped up on a chair. "ME TOO, BUT I THOUGHT TONIGHT YOU COULD COOK US DINNER!"

"I really can't--"

"THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH TEENAGERS THESE DAYS! THEY LOVE EATING THE FOOD, BUT THEY DON'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT COOKING IT! YOU TAKE AND YOU TAKE AND YOU TAKE, AND YOU SOMEHOW ASSUME THAT TAKING IS THE BEST PART OF THE DEAL! IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU LEARN TO GIVE!"

Ein sighed. "I'm not really hungry anymore. I'll see you tomorrow, Grandma." He headed up the stairs with--"THERE YOU GO AGAIN! GIVING IN TO YOUR OWN--" blasting behind him, before he shut the door and locked it tight.

Grandma didn't know anything. Ein gave everything he had, until he was completely depleted of energy, and it still wasn't good enough. Anyway, he didn't have time for her ramblings now. He needed to get into bed and think things through. Just as he was about to submerge himself into the dark circus of his covers, the phone rang.

"Princess?" He held his new phone with sweaty palms. He didn't like the fact that he was speaking into a clown's open, grinning mouth. "Where are you calling from? Are you back home?"

"No, we got a new phone for the haunted house. Why would you think I'd go back home?"

"No reason really."

"I know you're probably busy with your classes and all, but could you stop over some time tomorrow? You should be there with us. We're setting stuff up."

"I can't help you tomorrow. I have too much going on."

"But you're the boss, Ein!" Princess boomed. "This was your idea. You have to be there."

"Number one, I'm not the boss. Number two, I won't be there as long as Jerk Boy and the oversized rodent are involved."

"I'll make sure Ratty stays in the other room while you're there, okay?"

"And what about the other rat?"

"Vincent isn't so bad once you get used to him."

"So now you're siding with him? Do you remember what he and his hobo buddy did to me?"

"I know, I know. It's just…you really should be there tomorrow. We need our boss to oversee everything."

"I am not the boss, and I don't want to be a part of your stupid restaurant or your new best friends!" Everything in Ein's mind collided at that moment. He couldn't believe the words were actually coming out of his mouth. He listened to the silence for a long time. "Listen, Princess…I'm sorry. I…I've just been under a lot of stress lately. With my grandma, and the bike, and the rat, and the Waitress Girl, and…I didn't mean it."

"No," her voice was strangely soft. "You don't need to apologize."

"Princess…."

"I'm not mad. Really. I understand. I'm going to go now, Ein. Goodbye."

And that was that.