Chapter 3: Haunted

Who would have thought that working would be so much work?

It was exhausting watching Old Hobo Joe sell lemonade all day. Vincent took a sip of his lemonade, and leaned back in his newly acquired lawn chair.

Old Hobo Joe reached for a cup.

"I told you, no drinking on the job!" Vincent boomed. "We don't want to waste any time, for the sake of Miss Sunflower, now do we?"

Old Hobo Joe shook his head.

"Good. Now how much money have we made so far today?"

Vincent's minion poked through the contents of the money can, but he stopped because--

A customer approached their lemonade stand, wearing a mask for some reason. Maybe he was going to a costume ball.

The man pulled out a gun and pointed it at Old Hobo Joe. "Give me all your money."

Vincent chuckled. "How do you expect to rob someone with that puny thing? You need lobbyists, bribe money, and corporate insiders, at the least."

The man's gorilla face stared at Vincent. "Don't mess with me, man. This gun is loaded." He pressed a little switch on the back of the gun, which made a little snap.

Vincent had never really experienced the feeling of danger before, but it was beginning to make his skin itch all over. He didn't really like it.

Old Hobo Joe lunged forward, over the table, and tackled the man. They wrestled on the sidewalk and Old Hobo Joe knocked the gun away. Old Hobo Joe rolled, picked up the gun, and threw it into a nearby garbage bin. The thief ran off.

Old Hobo Joe returned to his seat, and continued with his counting of the money.

"So how much do we have, my servile friend?"

Old Hobo Joe held up three fingers, then two, then five.

"How close is that to a million dollars?"

The old man shrugged.

***

Princess tugged on Ein's shirt. "I want food. Give me food!"

Ein sighed. "I bought you a hot dog five minutes ago."

Princess jumped up and down. "I'm a growing girl! I need nutrients!"

Ein looked around. "There's a lemonade stand. I'll buy you a cup."

"Lemonade isn't food!"

"It's good enough, isn't it?"

"Fine."

They approached the lemonade stand. From far back, Ein thought a little girl was selling the lemonade, but as they got closer, he realized she was something different.

The girl looked up from an economics book. "Hello, and welcome to Sunflower's Lemonade Stand. What can I get for you? Our specials today are lemonade, lemonade, and lemonade."

"I want lemonade," Princess said.

"I'll have the same," said Ein.

The girl served them their orders, and they sat on the nearby bench.

Ein took a sip of his lemonade, and his face almost imploded.

Princess, however, gulped the stuff up without any problems. "I'm glad your butt feels better."

"No thanks to my Grandma."

"She can't be all that bad."

Flashbacks pounded at Ein's consciousness. Hours of scrubbing, brushing, dusting, disinfecting--and on and on. "Oh, she's that bad, and worse. All she does is yell at me through that megaphone of hers and order me around. Cinderella would feel sorry for me."

Princess finished her lemonade and whined.

Ein gave her his. "So, how's the sponsor search coming along?"

Princess's mouth burst with words, and lemonade sprayed all over Ein's face with--"None of the stupid people in this town know a great opportunity when they hear it!"

Ein wiped off his face.

"The problem is," she said, "I think they need to see it. That's why I've been going around to all the restaurants lately. I need a forum where I can showcase my talents, but all of the restaurant people I asked said no."

"That sucks."

"Ein, could you talk to Mario for me? His restaurant would be perfect for what I need. And I know he's a friend of your family."

"He is a friend of my family, but I don't think he likes me very much."

"Why?"

Ein remembered:

Little Einny stared at the menu. "Mommy, I don't know what to get."

Before his mother could speak, Mario leaned over and pointed at the menu. "I think you would like this, little one. Can you read what it says to Uncle Mario?"

"Las…ag…na. What's lasagna?"

"You say it, Lasana, without the G. Would you like some lasagna? I'll make it extra special for you, little one"

"Yay!" Little Einny raised his hands in the air. He forgot he had his fork in his hand.

Mario screamed, with the fork dangling out of his eye. "Mamma mia!"

And then there was the time when--

A slightly larger Little Einny blew out the candles of his birthday cake. His family cheered, and a waiter walked over with the ice cream. "There you are. A special birthday sundae for a special birthday boy."

"Thank you" Little Einny dug into his ice cream and chowed it down. But he ate too much too fast, and the worst ice cream headache he'd ever experienced savaged his brain.

"Are you all right, little one?" Someone put a hand on the boy's shoulder.

Ein looked over, and in the chaos of the pain, and the shock of seeing someone with a eye patch right next to him, he thought he was being attacked by a pirate. So Ein rammed his spoon at the pirate's face.

Mario screamed, with the spoon dangling out of his nose. "Mamma mia!"

And then there was the time when--

Ein shook away the memories. "Let's just say me and Mario have had some…friction between us."

Princess finished Ein's lemonade and tossed it into the dumpster a few yards away. "Becoming a professional eater isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"It's too bad we don't have our own restaurant," Ein said. He didn't mean anything by it, of course. It was just one of those things people said to keep a conversation going.

But Princess stared at him with a serious look on her face. "You're a genius, Ein. You just thought of the answer to our problems."

"What are you talking about?"

"We make our own restaurant. That way, I get my forum, and you get time away from being Cinderella. It'll be great." She stood. "Come on. Let's go!"

Ein didn't move. "What do you mean, go?"

"I mean let's start this thing."

"Right now? God, Princess, we can't just march out there and start up a restaurant."

"Why not?"

"Well, the money, for one thing. We don't have enough money."

"I have a few hundred dollars in the tree house that I took from my savings account. And I know for a fact that you have some baseball cards that you could sell for a lot of money."

"I don't want to get rid of my baseball cards, Princess."

"You don't even like baseball. You hate sports."

"I know. I'm just…saving them for the future."

Princess pointed a finger at his face. "The future is now, my friend!"

Ein sighed. "Let's say I do agree to sell my cards. I still don't think it's enough to start up our own restaurant. I mean, we have to rent a place, and we have to buy plates and ovens and stuff. And the food."

"Maybe we don't have enough, but I think, if we put our minds to it, everything will work out."

"That's not how the world works, Princess. Things don't just fall into place like that."

The lemonade stand girl walked over and said, "I couldn't help but overhearing, but this is exactly the kind of investing opportunity I've been hoping to make. I'm tired of the lemonade business. I want to move up. This restaurant you're talking about is the perfect step to take. Here." She took out a wallet and pulled out a wad of bills. "I have about five hundred dollars here. You can have it if you let me be your business manager."

Princess grabbed the money. "It's agreed!"

The lemonade girl nodded. "Excellent. Here's my card." She handed over the card.

Princess studied it. "There's no address or phone number listed here."

"That's because I'm without those at the moment. But you'll be able to find me at the alleyway by the park." She straightened her tie and walked away.

***

Ein couldn't believe he was doing this. These baseball cards were supposed to be for his future son. But then again, Ein was sure his son could live happily without them. Princess, on the other hand, needed Ein's help.

So he took the wad of bills from the card shop guy, and headed to his bike. But some teenager was sitting on it, while an old man in a purple cape was sawing on the anti-theft chain.

Ein pocketed his money. "Uh…what are you doing?"

The teenager glanced over at him. "I require a faster mode of transportation. My legs grow tired trekking through this town. And Old Hobo Joe here can't carry me around all the time. I'm sure you understand."

"But…that's my bike."

"And a very nice one at that. Though it doesn't exactly fit my standards, you needn't feel ashamed about letting me have it."

Ein clenched his teeth without meaning to. This was a potentially dangerous situation, but somehow Ein didn't feel nervous. His cheeks weren't even puffing out at all. "Look, I spent an entire summer earning money for that bike."

"Well, then I suppose you'll have to work this entire summer for a new one, won't you? That is what you people do, isn't it? You work and toil and all that?"

You people? Ein stepped forward, hands clenched into fists. "Who do you think you are?"

"I'm Vincent Vandervander, General of the Urban Resistance Force."

"And you think that gives you the right to take my bike?"

"Of course."

"You think you're better than me?"

Vincent chuckled. "That's pretty obvious, isn't it?"

"Well, you know what?" Ein pointed a finger at Vincent's face. "You're just a spoiled brat! Don't try to deny it! I've seen your kind before, and I know how to spot them! But you, you're the worst I've ever seen!"

Vincent frowned. "How dare you speak that way to me in front of my men!"

"Men? What men?"

"I tire of your insolence." He looked down at the caped man. "Peon, are you done with that chain yet?"

The old man finished cutting through the chain at that moment.

"Then let us ride to victory!" Vincent pedaled hard.

"You're not taking my bike!" Ein dashed forward, but the old man jabbed Ein's legs with pointed fingers.

Ein collapsed to the sidewalk.

Vincent biked away, and crashed into almost everything in his path. The old man ran beside him and helped him keep balance. In a moment, they turned a corner, and were gone.

Now Ein usually didn't dislike people, but there was something about him this Vincent guy that made Ein cringe. Maybe it was the fact that he was the worse human being Ein had ever met.

Ein tried to stand, but found that his legs were utterly numb.

***

"Let me get this straight. His hobo friend paralyzed your legs and he rode off with your bike?" Princess giggled.

Ein gave her the money. "It's not funny. I loved that bike."

"I know. I'm sorry." She added Ein's bills to the pile. "How long did it take for your legs to work again?"

"Fifteen minutes."

"That's not too long at least."

"It feels like a long time when a group of kindergartners are dancing around you, calling you names. They said I have a big head."

"They hurt your feelings, didn't they?"

"Of course not." He felt his face puffer-fishing.

"They did!" She exploded with laughter.

Ein crossed his arms. "They were just annoying."

She moved her smile down with her fingers, and forced on a serious face. "So, are you going restaurant shopping with me and Sunflower tomorrow?"

Ein shook his head. "I gave you that money to help you out, that's all. This is your restaurant, not mine. I'm going to be too busy anyway, starting my community college class in a few days."

Princess sighed. "Fine. But it was still your idea."

Darkness crept inside the tree house, as the sun melted into the ground. "It's getting late. I guess I better go home, even though I know my Grandma's waiting by the door, ready to spew out orders."

"You don't have to go back. You can stay here."

"I can't do that."

"We used to sleep here all the time."

"We were kids back then."

"So what? Just because we graduated from high school, we can't act like kids anymore?"

"That's not what I mean." There was no reasoning with Princess when she acted like this. "I'm gonna go."

Just as he was about to leave, she spurted, "Don't break your butt on the way out."

"Not funny."

***

At least his day couldn't get any worse.

Ein realized that making such a mental statement almost required the Universe to present him with yet another bad situation. But that only happened on TV shows and movies.

Everything seemed quiet enough. Maybe Grandma was already asleep.

Ein opened the door to his room and--

"SURPRISE!"

He stumbled backwards, and his Grandma helped him up.

"WELL DON'T JUST STAND THERE, EINNY-POO! COME IN! TAKE A TOUR OF YOUR NEW ROOM!"

She dragged him into his room.

He was almost blinded by the sight. This was once his sanctuary, his safe house, where everything had its place. But now, bright colors illuminated on the walls. His old posters were replaced with those of ducklings under an umbrella, kittens playing with yarn, and a baby obviously pooping his diaper.

Ein hardly recognized this place.

"ISN'T IT GREAT, EINNY-POO? YOUR OLD ROOM WAS TOO DEPRESSING! TEENAGERS THESE DAYS ARE TOO SULLEN ALL THE TIME! YOU NEED RAINBOWS AND CLOWNS!"

"But I'm afraid of clowns."

"OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME! IT'S ALL IN A DAY'S WORK FOR SUPER GRANDMA! WELL, I'LL LET THE TWO OF YOU GET AQUANTED! SEE YOU BRIGHT AND EARLY TOMORROW MORNING!" She zipped out of the room and closed the door.

More than anything, Ein wanted to slip into bed and sleep. But he saw that his bed was now adorned with clown sheets and clown pillowcases and a clown quilt. They were laughing at him. Laughing because Ein couldn't make his life work the way he wanted it to.

So he curled up on the floor, like all the ceramic dogs that now slept on his desk, and entered a dreamland where things were supposed to be strange.

***

Numbers swam around inside Sunflower's head. She could see it now. The profit margins, the cost-benefit ratios, the budgets, all the wonderful calculations. The thought of being in charge of a restaurant made her mouth water. Or maybe she was hungry.

"Here you are, Sunflower." Vincent, sitting on a bike, held out a lollypop. "Don't worry, I have a whole bag of them."

Sunflower took the lolly. "Thank you. Where'd you get so much candy?"

"I stole it from a baby."

She laughed. "You and your crazy sense of humor."

Old Hobo Joe carried Vincent off his bike, and set the boy onto his heap of dirty pillows.

Vincent popped the lolly out his mouth. "I met a very disagreeable boy today. He was very disrespectful."

Sunflower shook away the numbers from her mind, and focused on Vincent. "Oh?"

"I think he was prejudiced against people like me. He thinks his life is so hard, why doesn't he try to spend a day in my shoes? He doesn't know the stresses I feel and the hardships I must deal with."

"I hate people like that, who look down on other people."

Vincent nodded and yawned. "Well, I need my beauty sleep. I'm heading into the castle. Are you sure you don't want to sleep indoors tonight? Old Hobo Joe found another refrigerator box, so we have a new guest room."

"No, that's okay. I like sleeping out here."

"Very well." Vincent crawled into his castle and Old Hobo Joe guarded the entrance.

Sunflower leaned back against the garbage bin and allowed the numbers to seep into her consciousness, and tickle her mind into sleep.

***

"We have enough in our budget to rent here." Sunflower checked her notes. "The landowner said no one's used this place since it was abandoned."

Princess stared at the building. It was…unique. There were the hog gargoyles that leaned over from the rooftop and laughed with wide piggy mouths; the dead tree and its soulless face and crippled arms; the glowing red eyes in the windows that you could only see out of the corner of your eye. "No way we're having our restaurant in the haunted house."

"It's a manufactured haunted house. This whole area used to be an amusement park years ago."

"It doesn't matter. It's scary." Princess remembered all the stories kids said about this place when she was little. With the crazy lady who launched cats from her tiny catapults if kids got too close. The family of ghosts who starved for eternity, eating anything they could get their fuzzy little hands on. The vampire zombie. The--

"Shouldn't we at least look inside?" Sunflower said.

"If you want to get your head bit off by a goat goblin, go ahead."

Sunflower nodded and headed for the door.

Princess rushed after her. "Wait! You can't go in there alone!"

They stood by the front for a moment. A cyclops doorknocker stared at them with a shiny red eye.

Princess bit her fingernails. "Should we knock first?"

"What do you mean knock? There isn't anyone there."

"Oh yeah."

Sunflower took a deep breath and opened the door.

Princess couldn't look.

Sunflower screamed and dashed away.

Opening her eyes, Princess found a very, very large rat looking up at her from inside the house. "Rat!" She knelt down and smiled at him. "Well don't you have a cute little nose!"

After a while, Sunflower crept over to Princess's side. "So let me get this straight. The house itself scares you, but the giant rat doesn't?"

"Rats are cute. Ghosts aren't."

The rat squeaked and trotted into the house.

Princess followed. The main chamber was a haven for spider webs and dusts, but--"It's not that scary in here. Maybe this would be a good place for our restaurant. I mean, are we going to find anywhere cheaper?"

Sunflower backed away as the rat approached her. "This is a good place, but we're going to have to do something about this rat."

"No! This is his home." Princess held out her hand and let the rat sniff it. He didn't seem to want to bite her, so she scratched the top of his head. "See, he's a friendly rat."

"So what do you suggest? We allow a giant rat to live in our restaurant?"

"Yes."

Sunflower sighed. "We'll continue this conversation later. For now, we need to pay the landowner and get this place cleaned up."

"We're going to need some help."

"I know two guys who'll help."

"I'll get my friend Ein to help too."

"Sounds like a foolproof plan to me."