Chapter 2: Broke

"Who would have thought, our two sons would be graduating at the same time, when Newton's two years younger," Ein's father said, sparkles in his eyes.

The mammoth waiter approached and looked down at them. "What can I get for you tonight?"

"Lasagna for everyone!" Ein's mother closed her menus. "It's our boys' favorite."

"Very good, madam."

It was Newton's favorite, of course. Ein could hardly stand the stuff. But he kept his mouth shut.

Newton conversed with a group of girls at the table beside them. Girls Newton didn't even know, probably.

Ein's parents stared at Ein, and he didn't like the look on their faces.

"As you know, Ein," his mother said, "Newton is going to start his internship at the capital in a few days."

Ein lowered his eyes. "Yeah, I know."

His father said, "What you don't know is that your mother and I have decided to take a long vacation. It'd mean you'd be all alone the whole summer--" Alone. That didn't sound too unappealing actually. "--if we hadn't invited your Grandma to stay with you."

Oh no. Not Grandma. "I wouldn't want to give Grandma an trouble. She shouldn't have to come. I'll be fine by myself."

"She volunteered, actually," his mother informed.

Of course she did. Of course she wouldn't pass up the opportunity to make Ein's life more miserable. That was one of her favorite hobbies. Even as a child, he remembered always crying at her house. "Are you sure Grandma is up to this? She is pretty old."

"Einstein," said his father, "your Grandma is coming and that's final."

"It'll be good for you," his mother added. "If you want to survive in the real world, you're going to need to learn some discipline."

Ein felt a chill run up his spine, and that chill intensified when a platter of cold drinks smashed against his head. Sodas, margaritas, wines--a rainbow of refreshment--ruined his rented suit (that all graduating seniors were required to wear under their robes during the ceremony, for some stupid reason).

"I'm so sorry!" A girl scrambled over to Ein's side. She attempted to pick up the glasses from off his lap, but slammed her forehead into his in the process. The girl fell backwards.

Ein reached out, attempting to save her from the fall. He grabbed her shirt and ripped it down the middle.

She slammed against the ground, and when she realized that her bra was showing, she covered herself with her serving platter.

Sweat geysered from his pores. "I…I…" He stood from his seat and took a step closer to the girl. He wanted to help her to her feet, but he slipped on the puddle of spilled drinks and fell on top of her.

Ein's face had never been so close to a girl's face before. He could see right into her eyes. They were green with a little circle of gold around the black part. He could feel her breath on his lips.

"Could you please get off of me?"

"Oh, yeah." He rolled off her, and stood quickly. "I'm really--uh, really sorry about that."

She stood and ran away, tears in her eyes.

Newton placed a hand on his shoulder. "Very smooth, big brother."

Ein thought of a perfect comeback, but somehow, he didn't feel like saying it.

***

"Not silver, you idiot! I told you gold! Gold!" Vincent sighed. It was so hard to find good minions these days.

Old Hobo Joe dropped the can of silver spray paint, and sprayed Vincent's cardboard castle with the gold one.

Vincent paced back and forth, studying his fortress. It wasn't much, but this place would do for now.

Vincent chuckled evilly.

Old Hobo Joe laughed too.

"Only I may laugh like that!" Vincent growled. "Get back to work!"

Old Hobo Joe saluted and continued spraying.

Vincent laughed again.

All he really needed to do now was recruit more men for his hobo army, so he could siege his old mansion, and take over.

Then his father would be sorry.

***

Sunflower stuck her tongue out at the office building, and kept walking.

She knew she was the best. She'd read every book about economics and accounting that had ever been written. All she needed now was experience. But for some reason, no one wanted to hire her.

No matter. Even rejection was better than being at home with those hippies.

She went to the street corner and bought a hot dog from the vender. At least she wasn't completely broke. She had to sacrifice her piggy bank, but it kept her from being homeless.

Speaking of homeless--

A teenage boy sitting at the mouth of an alleyway, dressed in nothing but a white robe, scribbled into a notebook. Sunflower couldn't help but looking at him, and wonder what he was writing about. Maybe it was a letter to a long lost friend, or a family member, telling them about his life. Or maybe he was an orphan, and he was writing a story about a boy who never knew what it was like to be hungry. Maybe this orphan found solace in the fantasy worlds he created.

A streetwalker threw some change into the orphan's lap.

The orphan picked up the change, and studied it. "Why the heck do people keep throwing these things at me!"

Sunflower stepped closer to the boy. "That's money."

The boy's eyes widened. "That's what money looks like?"

Sunflower felt her heart breaking. This poor boy had been so poor his whole life, he never even learned what money was. She sat down beside him. "Would you like me to buy you a hot dog?"

"What's a hot dog?"

A tear almost escaped her eyes. She held up her hot dog. "It's one of these."

"Are those things edible?"

"Yes."

"I'm not used to eating things of that…caliber, but I suppose I will have one."

The poor kid had eaten trash his whole life, he didn't even know what real food looked like. Sunflower bought him a hotdog and handed it over. "There you go."

He took a bite and spit it out, all over Sunflower. "I can't eat this."

"I understand." She wiped her face off. He must not have been used to eating food with so many spices and flavors. "My name is Sunflower, by the way."

"Vincent Vandervander."

She smiled. "I know we just met, but I was wondering, would you like to take a walk with me?"

***

Princess dumped her underwear out of a box, and Ein forced himself to look away. He gazed out the window of the old tree house and the memories bombarded his consciousness. Him and Princess had built this place when they were kids, and no one but them had ever been in here. It was their secret place.

"I'm finished putting away my underwear. You can breathe now."

Ein coughed nervously, and faced her again. "I still can't believe you're doing this."

"You heard my speech."

"I heard it, but I didn't believe it."

"You should." She stuck a whole candy bar into her mouth and chewed. "You're the one who inspired me to do it."

But he didn't mean it! "Yeah, well, you just don't seem like the type of person who would do something like this."

Her eyes glowed red and she said through clenched teeth, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing!" He backed away, almost out the door. Luckily, he managed to grab Princess's plotted plant and rebalanced himself. "All I'm saying is that I don't think this is a good idea. You can't live in a tree house."

"Of course I can."

"What about when it's winter?"

"It's not winter. It's summer. And by the time winter comes around, I'm already going to find enough sponsors to support me."

"What if you don't?"

She sighed. "This is my dream, Ein. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a professional eater. It's what I'm good at. It's what I love."

He didn't say anything in response. It wouldn't do any good anyway. For all the years he knew her, he'd never been able to talk her out of anything.

"You're thinking about Waitress Girl again, aren't you?"

He shook his head. "No."

"You know she's all you've been talking about the past few days. Waitress Girl this, Waitress Girl that. Why don't you just go to Mario's and ask her out already."

Ein felt his face puffing up. "I don't like her. I was just talking about her so much because it was such an embarrassing thing to happen."

"As embarrassing as this?" She threw a cluster of panties at Ein's head.

He leaned backwards, so far that he fell out the door. His bottom crashed against the forest floor, and he heard a crack.

Princess poked her head out the door. "I'm sorry, Ein! I didn't know you'd fall! Are you okay?"

Ein shook his head. "I think I broke my butt."

***

"People don't break their butts." Princess sat at the foot of Ein's bed and smiled.

"Well apparently some people do. And it's not funny."

"I'm sorry," but she didn't remove her smile. "At least you don't have to wear a butt cast."

"I don't even want to imagine that."

"Well." She stood. "I'm off to find some sponsors."

"Good luck."

Princess patted his foot and left.

Ein sighed. Newton already left for the capital, and his parents started their vacation, and his Grandma hadn't arrived yet, and so Ein was all alone with a broken tailbone, and he didn't even have a tail.

In theory, being alone wasn't something Ein thought badly of. At least when no one else was around, he didn't have to worry about messing things up, like he tended to do. But now, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, he wished for something to happen.

And the doorbell rang.

Ein sat up out of habit, and regretted it. Every little movement made his bottom bone shoot painful darts to his brain.

The doorbell rang again.

While the idea of going all the way downstairs filled him with horror, he decided he might as well see who it was. He stood from his bed and looked out the window. Down, standing at his door, was Waitress Girl. And she started to walk away!

"Wait." He cleared his throat. "Wait! I'll be down in a second!"

She looked up and nodded.

Ein took a deep breath, and began his trek from his bedroom, downstairs, to the front door. It was a quest he hoped his mind would soon repress.

He opened the door. "Hello."

She stared at him for a moment. "Are you crying?"

"No, uh…" He wiped his cheeks. "It's just so hot in here."

"It feels pretty cold to me."

"Oh, it's cold down here, but hot in my room." He felt his face swelling. "There's this, uh, hot pipe running through the center of my room."

"Oh." She held out her hand.

Ein reached out to shake it, but realized she was holding out money. So he took it. "What's this for?"

"To pay for your dry cleaning. I ruined your suit and I'm sorry. If the cleaning doesn't get the stains out, I'll pay for a new suit."

Ein felt his skin puffing out. No, he had to control himself. He didn't want her to see him in his puffy-cheek gerbil form. He took a deep breath. "I can't accept this. You see, uh, that suit that you ruined…it was an old suit. My parents were planning on buying me a new one anyway. So…here." He held out the money.

She stared at the wad of bills for a moment, then shook her head. "You keep it."

"No. I can't."

"Even if you are getting a new suit, I feel responsible. I probably ruined your whole night with my clumsiness."

"That's not true. I mean, I asked for one soda, and I got like ten. That's a deal, if you ask me."

She laughed softly. It was the most beautiful sound Ein had ever heard.

"I'm…I'm really sorry about your shirt," Ein said. "I didn't mean to…you know."

She looked down. "Yeah. I have to go now."

He realized he was still holding the money. "Not without this, you're not." He held out the doe, but she wouldn't take it. Then he tried to force it into one of her hands, but she moved that hand, and he grabbed her skirt. The pain in his buttocks caused by that motion made Ein collapse forward, and he pulled down her skirt.

At that moment, a busload of children drove by. They laughed and pointed, and Waitress Girl's face turned red. She pulled up her skirt and ran.

Ein watched her leave, and he knew that even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to follow her in his condition. After she was out of sight, he looked down at the fallen money, scattered about. He bent over, and picked them up one by one. The pain in his bottom didn't really matter anymore.

***

Vincent walked with the poor girl through what the sign called a "Park." But this was like no park Vincent had ever imagined. There were no fountains, hardly any flowers, and there was actually trash littered about.

"I've tried almost every business in this whole town," the girl said, "but no one wants to hire me."

Vincent never realized that people had to work in order to find work. It was a ludicrous thought, and he was glad that he'd never stoop so low.

"But enough about me," she said. "Tell me about you, Vincent. Why are you living on the streets?"

"Because my father threw me out of his home. He doesn't want me anymore."

"I'm so sorry." She sat on the grass and looked out at the horizon below, at the sunset.

Vincent sat beside her, but didn't look at the stupid scenery. People only turned to nature when they were too poor to look at expensive paintings and Polynesian rugs.

"You know what," said the girl. "If those people out there don't want to hire me, I'll just have to hire myself."

"Now how exactly does one do that?"

"Well, I'll have to start off small. Like a lemonade stand. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll start off with one, then two, and so on. Then I'll make enough money to start something bigger. But I'll need help. I won't be able to man all the stands by myself." She looked at him. "Vincent, would you like to work for me? I'll pay you a daily salary, and you'll get to have free lemonade. What do you think?"

Vincent didn't like the idea of working, but then again, he needed money to finance a suitable hobo army. "I think you have yourself a worker."

The girl held out her hand.

Vincent stared at it for a while, then took it.

They shook.

It was a strange custom among the working folk, but Vincent kind of liked it.

***

"RISE AND SHINE!!!"

Ein exploded out of bed, and the pain erupted from his buttocks to the others parts of his body like a volcano.

A tiny old woman stood on his dresser. His Grandma. "Good morning, Einny-Poo!" She held a megaphone to her lips. "NOW GET DRESSED! GET PREPPED! WE GOT A LONG DAY AHEAD OF US!"

Ein rubbed his eyes. "But Grandma, I broke my--"

"THERE'S NO TIME FOR CHITCHAT!" She hopped off the dresser, onto his bed, and pointed the megaphone right into his ear. "NOW STRIP AND GET INTO YOUR WORK CLOTHES!"

Ein stumbled backwards, by the force of the sound. "Could you at least get out of my room first?"

"IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU NAKED BEFORE, EINNY-POO!"

"I was a little kid back then."

"FINE! FINE! I'LL LEAVE! BUT GET DRESSED ON THE DOUBLE!"

She sped out of his room, and he closed the door.

Maybe he could lock her out, and go back to sleep. No, she would just climb through his window, or break down the door. There was no stopping Grandma when she was like this.

So he got dressed, and managed to get himself down stairs. He went into the kitchen. A mop flew through the air and smashed into his head.

"WELL DON'T JUST STAND THERE! PICK IT UP! WE'RE GOING TO CLEAN THIS PLACE UP UNTIL THE DIRT'S TOO AFRAID TO EVER COME BACK! WE'LL START WITH THE KITCHEN!"

Ein rubbed his forehead. "I really shouldn't be moving right now, Grandma. I broke my tailbone a few days ago and--"

"TAILBONE! YOU'RE NOT A MONKEY! THAT'S THE WORST EXCUSE I'VE EVER HEARD!"

"But it's true."

She spun a broom with her free hand like a ninja weapon, then pointed it at him. "NOW MOP! MOP LIKE YOU'VE NEVER MOPPED BEFORE!"

"But--"

"YOUR PARENTS SAID YOU WEREN'T GOOD WITH RESPONSIBILITY! BUT THAT'S ALL GOING TO CHANGE NOW THAT GRANDMA'S HERE!"