Chapter 12: Bone Appetite

Problem #7

"Should I?" Princess asked.

Everyone nodded.

Princess opened the front door and--

Nothing happened.

Then--

Nothing happened.

Then--

Trainloads of hungry people surged into the restaurant! Princess had to dive out of the way to avoid being trampled.

Old Hobo Joe immediately started directing people to their seats. He looked rather nice, wearing the old suit he'd found in the dumpster, though he still wore his cape.

There was already a long line to Mr. and Mrs. Flabbing's table to get their autographs. She didn't see any sign of the Ninja yet, but that was no problem. If the Ninja gave them his word, Princess was sure he would be here.

Sunflower patted her on the shoulder and smiled. "It's time, Princess."

Princess nodded. She was about to walk onto the karaoke stage and welcome everyone here, when--

Princess heard a clanking behind her. Boots stomping on the floor, drowning out all the other chatter and buzz in the room.

The room quieted.

Princess and Sunflower turned around.

The Cowboy tipped his hat, and approached them. "Hello there, little ladies."

"Hello, Mr. Cowboy," they replied.

He squinted his eyes and looked around. "Told ya I'd see y'all again. But today I ain't here on deciding whether or not you can open."

Princess sighed with relief.

"Today I'm here ta give y'all a grade. I'm gonna stick that grade on the outside of this here building and it'll stay there for all the townspeople ta see. Hope yer good at tests, girlies." He tipped his hat, and found a seat.

A thought zapped Princess's mind. It was a simple, yet utterly horrifying thought. This moment could…would be a major fork in the road to her destiny. Her life-long dream depended on this moment. If the restaurant did well, maybe she could find a sponsor, and maybe she could become the greatest gluttonist in the world. But if the restaurant didn't do well, she didn't have a chance.

She was usually so good at tests like this. She remembered going up onstage during graduation and making her speech. Back then, she was so calm. No butterflies in her stomach at all. But now she couldn't move. She was paralyzed with fright. And the biggest difference between then and now was that Ein wasn't here. During all her tests, she would look over at him, and he would give her strength.

This was all Ein's fault!

"Don't worry, Princess," Sunflower said. "No pressure at all. I'm sure you'll do fine."

Princess swallowed, and stepped onto the stage after a push from Sunflower. She leaned in close to the microphone. "Uh…" The microphone screamed and she pounded it on the head. "Hello everyone. I'm Princess and this is Haunted House Dressing. We hope…uh…we hope you enjoy your time here today. Before we get to eating, I have a little announcement to make. As you can see, there's no menus around…and that's because…well, our special and the only thing on our menu today is…peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

Everyone in the restaurant laughed.

Everyone but the Cowboy.

Princess coughed. "I'll be around to take your orders shortly."

Problem #8

"You know." Destiny reached across the table and engulfed Ein's hands in her own. "I like a man who's smaller than me."

Ein squirmed in his seat. "You know, I really have to be going. My friends are--"

Her smile increased by a couple inches. "I also like a man who's hard to get." She batted her tarantula legs for eyelashes.

Ein swallowed. "Waiter! Check please!"

But it was too late. No outside force could distract her now. Destiny leaned forward, and puckered out her sluggy lips. Ein's face puffed out more with each heartbeat. By the time she kissed him, his lips were just as big as hers.

Ein was just glad that this moment in his life could be suppressed. He could forget it, in time. He was happiest though that no one was here to see this.

What was that? A light appeared and then disappeared, out of the corner of his eyes.

It was nothing.

It had to be.

Problem #9

"You shouldn't have gone out with my mother's dentist!" shouted Mrs. Flabbing.

Mr. Flabbing boomed, "I only did that to steal his ring to give to Betty to prove to her that the doctor isn't really her husband before she lost all her memories!"

"You're the one who lost all your memories, not Betty! Don't you remember?"

"How can I remember if I lost all my memories?"

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you went skydiving with Thomas."

"Who's Thomas?"

"Don't tell you forgot about our Eskimo foreign exchange student!"

Princess walked away from the Flabbings' table and found Chucky staring at the wall. "Are your parents arguing or are they rehearsing lines?"

Chucky shrugged. "There isn't much difference anymore, but that's not important right now, because I just found a really big reading behind this wall, and I think there's a ghost there, and I mean a really powerful ghost, and it would be really cool if--"

"That's nice, Chucky. I have to get back to the tables."

He nodded, and went back to his scanning, or whatever it was.

A few minutes later Princess heard a loud buzzing from where Chucky was standing. He was cutting into the wall with some sort of tiny saw that extended out of his robot suit.

"Don't do that, Chucky, there's a lot of wires that--"

BOOM!

Chucky cut into one of the wires and compartments opened up in the ceiling. Skeletons with glowing red eyes bungee jumped from the ceiling, and danced above the heads of the eaters. It wouldn't have been so bad, but since the Ninja was supposed to show up, the room was packed with children.

Screams and tears and MAMMAAAA!s filled the room.

Sunflower ran to Princess's side. "What are we going to do!?!"

"I don't know!" Princess looked around. There had to be something she could do.

Before Princess could make a move, the Ninja appeared out of nowhere, and began battling the skeletons.

The children stopped crying, and cheered.

Problem #10

"Thank you for the wonderful lunch," Destiny said. She got up from her chair. "I'm afraid I have to be going now. I have an appointment to go to."

Finally, it was over. But wait a second, she was leaving! "Hey, aren't you going to help me with the bill?"

She shook her head. "The gentlemen always pays for the date."

He didn't have that kind of money! "You can't just leave me here like this!"

She smiled and left the restaurant.

There was only one other person who could save him now. He walked over to the window and opened it a creak. "Grandma, I know you're there."

She popped up. "OF COURSE I AM! DO YOU THINK I WOULD TRUST YOU TO GO OUT ON A DATE ALONE?!?"

"Grandma, you have to help me pay for this meal. I don't have enough."

"SORRY, EINNY-POO, BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO OUT ON DATES, YOU NEED TO BE RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO PAY FOR THEM YOURSELF!"

"But I didn't want to--"

"NO EXCUSES! NOW BE A MAN AND PAY YOUR DEBTS! I'M SURE THE MANAGER WILL LET YOU PAY BY WASHING DISHES!"

"Do you have any idea how many dishes--"

"WELL, I'M OFF, EINNY-POO! GOTTA GO TELL DESTINY HOW MUCH YOU ENJOYED YOUR DATE!"

"I--"

"GLAD TO HEAR IT! I'LL GO SCHEDULE YOU ANOTHER ONE!"

Problem #11

Sunflower wanted to kiss the Ninja for saving them like this. But she knew that she would never kiss anybody ever again. She would just have to be happy in her numbers.

And she certainly was right now. According to her calculations, their profits from the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches would reach the Limit Break, as she called it, as long as there weren't any other problems.

A scream.

Sunflower whipped her head to the side, and caught sight of that Chucky boy grabbing his head and jumping up and down.

"It's inside me!"--Chucky screamed.--"It's inside!--Get it out!--It's inside me!"Chucky jumped onto a table, and leapt from one to another to another. He kept screaming about something being inside him. The children, luckily, thought it was just another game. A new enemy for the Ninja to battle with.

And luckily, battle the Ninja did.

The Ninja dashed toward Chucky and flung him over his shoulder. He was almost out the door, when Chucky, in his flailing, kicked the Ninja in the back of the head. The Ninja fell over, and didn't move. Chucky kept running around, screaming.

The children panicked. Their hero was defeated, and the villain was still running amuck.

A large group had formed around the Ninja's fallen body.

Mr. Flabbing said in a very Soap Opera-ish voice, "Now, let us unmask the hero and discover his true identity!" He reached for the Ninja's mask.

"Stop!" Sunflower ran, and grabbed Mr. Flabbing's arm before he could succeed in his mission. She grabbed the Ninja's foot and dragged him into the kitchen.

There was no one left to save them now.